I am not strong enough

I always thought that I could pretend or act like I know how to handle my emotional and everything. Unfortunately I don't especially when I'm seeing someone dear to me. I became weak and I show my weakness to him, it made him unable to rely on me being independent when he's not around some more we are in a LDR. It was hard, because I always thought he wasn't accommodating my needs. All my needs to him are unnecessary and excuses for me going back to my comfort zone.

Family and friends was always my comfort zone, but he is not. He made me vulnerable because he always pushes me out of my comfort zone, it took me quite awhile to get out, still one step at a time. But I do notice that a little bit habits of mine took another changes. I eat lesser candies while I'm driving. Candies is my biggest changes, I don't rely on to it that much. I rarely stay over at my friend's house whenever I don't want to drive back home. What's next???? Staying alone while my aunt is going away soon for two months (in process soon). Deciding whether I want to go back Sabah or not at the end of October (flying back alone is scary shit).

To be honest, he prioritize his job & studies over me. That's fair enough since that's what we've agreed on. If he could have said ''I still want to spend a little time even a few days with you, tho we're not going anywhere just at home like we used to do''. It would have made me feel better just to go there a few days instead of a whole week plus. Thinking he was having a break from his diet would be the best time to see him, oh well I just need to suck thumb till his training and up coming exam finishes.

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless

He ended our relationship

Still remember I talked about THE TINDER GUY ??? We broke up, more like he dumped me for no reason. At first we started so casually I knew we would definitely end our relationship, it's just that I didn't think it was that quick. We only dated for two weeks. When he dumped me I didn't cry at all just sadden that we didn't even go for long enough. 

To be honest it was the best thing he dumped me. I got over him very fast, because I only poured 30% of my effort and he backed off that quick. He can't even able to handle my clingy and emotional problem but already got scared. I knew he wasn't the one when he was a divorced man with two kids. Having two kids is not the problem but his mentality & ways of handling. He has no intention of having a serious relationship, but since I showed him that I wanted to have it serious he just let it go. 

Its a good thing. He was only a strangers to me now. He blocked me off directly from all social media and my number as well. Its a good thing to be honest. I get over him so much quicker and move on. I'm able and freely to chat with other people and become friends, I don't have to think about anything serious now. Go with the flow and let it be. 

I'm having my best time of myself. Family coming to Aussie for holiday, work as much as possible and quickly finish my study at the end of June. Focusing on what I'm suppose to do then I can do what ever I want. Go travel, have fun and met more new friends. Also always be thankful with everything I have.

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless.

The Tinder Guy

Sorry for the long hiatus for whole April till now. It was one of those days where my life is full of adventure. Not really but kinda exciting as well. I've been chatting with one of few guys in tinder but one kept the conversation pretty good. Then we stopped chatting for weeks when I left for my holiday in Sydney & Melbourne. Few days before returning to Perth I texted him again. Our conversation leads to us meeting in real life. It was unreal to be honest. I was pretty excited to meet him in real life. 

Fast forward to meeting days. We had a long walk at the beach. There was a concert during the day we met up. We had a short talk, because I'm being shy & awkward as usual. He was good enough to accompanied me till I went to the concert since he doesn't want to join. He gave me the cutest hug and kisses on my forehead. 

The next few days, I wasn't feeling good due to weather changed. I messaged him about my where about & home address. He came to my place we started hugging & kissing so passionately. Also I noticed there's a condom in his pocket. Luckily my family was in the house. Our progress went on quite quick to be honest. That was the night we ended up being in a relationship naturally. 

Occasionally I texted him to see how he was going & made few plans with him. It was all good. Not till this week. I started staying over at his place few times. But I felt so empty. I went on and on asking advise relationship from my experienced friends. This relationship was a gamble. I felt that both of us lust for companion & relationship. It was nothing out of ordinary, just pure lusting over each other. 

I was expecting to be honest. In the end I knew that we couldn't last long. I am going with the flow onward, nothing to be expected.  This is the gamble I signed up for. Lets see how the game turns out.

Till then,

God Bless us.

041217 Animal Gangster

This was the most funniest and memorable day for us. Sam was driving by himself while I waited Nicole to pick me up & to pick up Nurool as well. We went to have a coffee at our favorite place with bunch of them. While were having our chill day and coffee we decided to do an animal costume photoshoot. We planned this long time ago but was never done till this late. In between a lot of things happened so Hyman ended up not joining because he merajuk with Sam at some point.

Anyway we ditched Hyman in the end because he was being indecisive and still merajuk at some point of level that he couldn't accept it. Nicole purposely drove from town to my house just to take my animal costume. That was one long drive, but we didn't rush and able to go for the photoshoot session at a good weather & scenery.

We went near to the beach where the sand dune was build up as high as a mountain naturally. A lot of cars drove pass & saw us up there wearing a funny outfit to take photo. It was kinda cold and windy but we were warm enough as well, with the thick costume.

We post crazily and laugh our ass out!

Afterwards we all had a decent photo without the costume, we were practically sweating somehow from all the exercise we did for the photoshoot. Nonetheless we had tons of fun that day, too bad to the one who missed out. Anyway we head back and prepare steamboat dinner. All of us are hungry couldn't wait to eat. We chat, laugh and talked tons. 

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless.

021217 Summer 40*c

I was practically laying on my bed, the weather was pretty hot that day which caused me becoming drowsy and need more sleep. But they woke me up a.s.a.p cause we were planning to go for a swim with baby Jacob in the pool. But they were late almost noon which was even hotter than expected. It felt like in the oven. So we waited them at Jaffle Shack. 

Just woke up faces! hahaha In the end we didn't went to the pool. So we decided to go to the beach for a swim and brought the kayak! As so we asked Ian to join us since he like beach more than pool. We packed all our stuff and even brought volley ball & gopro. 

We were really bad with volleyball like literally just picking up balls.

My first kayak session! It was wobbly and scary! The others went deeper to the sea but I was just enough in the middle where they can swim to reach me. I was a bit terrified to be honest cause it was really scary for me. I went for few more minutes of kayak before went for a swim. The water was cold enough to keep us cool, while the weather was amazingly hot. 

We enjoyed our beach side approximately 3 hours. It was really nice and hot weather for a swim! A lot of people went for a swim as well since the weather was pretty hot. Afterwards we went back and have a short rest before we went to work.  

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless

261117 St Xavier Cathedral

Ever since I've arrived to Geraldton I haven't attend Sunday mass in Catholic church. I've been to Lighthouse church ever since. I mean I don't have friends who were there so I did not go for their mass session. I went there solely for a short visit and praying with him. 

I think it was on Saturday evening we went there. Thinking the church opens early so we went into the church for a photoshoot. I mean I did pray as well but it was so awkward when he asked me to pose in the middle of aisle. People started to turn up for the mass session. If I were to wear long pants I would attend the mass but I was wearing shorts. Definitely not appropriate for that.

So we went outside of the church for more photo shooting session. We were in the middle of the church. I'm sure the Priest that conducted the mass definitely saw us taking photo like a crazy tourist. We also took a hand photo together! HAHA it was so funny and awkward later on. I'm like literally arguing with him so that he could send me the hand photo which 100% refused. It was his face with only my hand. BUT THERE'S STILL MY HAND IN THE PHOTO. Anyway I didn't get the photo. He demolished the evidence probably. HAHA

Afterwards we went back home and have a rest.

Cooked dinner, watched movie and sort out the photo.

Not a really exciting day but fun enough. 😏

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless.

CNY IN GERO 2018

For the past week we were kinda full on having lunch, dinner and awesome day! We got to meet up with Justin before Nicole they went to Perth for her Birthday & Valentines day. Catching up with Justin with everybody and also to surprise Nicole on the Birthday!

We were very busy on Valentines day! It was actually Keith's Birthday as well! For us it was working night & crazy night as well. I didn't join them for dinner since I need to pick up Nurool from Indian Sunset so afterward head straight to Jade House so we could cut cake with Keith.

The day before CNY which was Lunar 30, I was actually hanging out at the restaurant in the afternoon. Then suddenly we were asked to take photo to put it on the Restaurant's website. I wasn't going to participate since I wasn't wearing black shirt but got asked & they edited out my childcare logo on my shirt 😂😂😂 The next day on CNY Day 1 they totally forgot to ask me to come over dinner at the restaurant! They didn't notice my existence until they started to have dinner! HAHA Anyway I missed out delicious dinner with them! 😓

CNY Day 2 Drove to town and pick up Nurool to buy some ingredient for our Yee Sang! Got called from Hyman to meet up with others because Minji was going to move to the City 😭😭😭 Just a short meet up with them then we head back for a short rest before going to work.

CNY Day 3 Yee Sang day! We prepared the ingredient yesterday night & decorated it in the morning! Too bad when we arrived Hyman went to meet up with other friends! Couldn't join us for Lou Sang! While we waited for others to come Keith awesomely brought fresh Salmon from the shop! We didn't have Salmon fish to begin with but eventually got one! Awesome day tbh.

Baby Jacob literally joined us Lou Sang because he was way too naughty to be left alone. So we let him join us! He was adorable playing with food, considering him as an adult lou sang with us. We wouldn't be made at him tossing the food around! HAHA 

We kinda have fun even though such a short while. Some of them doesn't even know what was Yee Sang until we brought them this and let them know! Cause Yee Sang was mostly celebrated in Malaysia & Singapore people! Its consider as Prosperity dish to celebrate on the 7th day of CNY , as the day human was created. But nowadays we had this dish at any CNY day.

Afterwards we head back to Nurool's house for a rest before working again. I decided to go early to the restaurant with Nicole, as we arrived to the restaurant I saw his car parked at the back of the library. I went into the library thinking of looking for him but I decided not to disturb seeing him concentrated on his studies. I went to borrow a computer in the library instead and read my exam question. He saw me when he went to the toilet, so he asked for help in the exam question. Had a short while in library then we went to dome cafe before I start my work.

How weirdly when he said he refused to go out alone with a single girl like me, but also decided to asked me to accompany him before I start my work. At least we talked through how we were going for exam next month. I don't understand him, not even one bit. Oh well.

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless.

191117 Photoshoot Day

We had this random day where the boys wanted to do a photoshoot session with Nicole. They told Nicole earlier about going to photoshoot session but I just tagged along since I have nothing to do. Beside Nurool just moved into her new house and tons of stuff to do so she couldn't join us for photo shooting session.

We went to look for flowers that bloomed nicely. Ended up bumping to Fei Fei cause she saw us on the neighborhood. It was kinda embarrassed cause we were on the side of road, cars drove past us looking weirdly at us. HAHA

As for me I was the photographer assistant. Basically carrying their stuff, not to mention scorching hot weather to began with. Sweating like crazy. While they were taking photos I was selfie-ing so I'm sort of part of the model in it. HAHA

I'm enjoying my nice cold ice cream HAHA

The guys worked pretty hard on this. Trying to make Nicole posed tons of poses. She was stiff!! Couldn't get the photo they wanted but she nailed it off later with less crowd on the beach. Sam literally took off his shirt cause it was way too hot for him to wear clothes, while Hyman was wearing double clothing to avoid sun. HAHA 

How I missed our random days together.

We no longer have these time together anymore. 

We all moved on to our own pace and path ways.

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless.

141017 Summer 2017

Supposedly 5 of us went to Lavender farm but somehow we ended up only 3 of us. Its because he was arguing with Sam that week. Kinda horrid to watched them ignoring each other for so long. I do not know how to deal with them I leaved them to settle their problems but also worried as well. Long story short we went to Lavender farm again cause Nicole wanted to look for some product they are selling there. Hence we went there for lunch.

The weather was really hot and humid that day. But we were lucky enough to saw Lavender full bloom! The flower bloom gorgeously that day I think its also flower season which was spring time.

We actually planned to go for wildflower viewing but the flower wasn't blooming at certain part. And we wouldn't know where to search for wild flowers. Lucky enough there's few wild flowers nearby the carpark at the Lavender Farm. So we basically took this opportunities to take a lot of photo together!

Afterwards we went back and picked the others up for coffee session. It was a bit awkward but all was good when we were there. Anyway the problem was long before so it make sense that its not happening at this moment right not when I posted this post! It's just how all these picture reminds me the scenario that happened on that particular day. Each photo shows the beauty of it but never understood how it came from or how the process before and after the photo was taken. That's life. 

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless.

091017 Baby Jacob 2nd Birthday

When I first met Baby Jacob he was only 1 year and 3months. Now he turned 2 years old! I really couldn't believe how big he is right now. It clearly shows that children grow real fast while we grow older each day. Tony & Janice decided to celebrate Baby Jacob's birthday in the restaurant since we were pretty much in big group. Invited close friends and family to the dinner.

He was trying to eat the cake but focus was elsewhere hence this facial expression! Cute 💓

Big group photo, as you can see all adult one kid HAHA

I think the adult was the one that has the most fun! Utilizing the props & every single thing.

Photo with baby Jacob & the Pretty Mommy!

We adult literally had the most fun, but also ensured Jacob had fun too! He was shy meeting us with different outfit but soon got used to us. We kept on holding Jacob for photo and also take turn to make sure Jacob have fun & laugh all the night. I'm sure he had fun like we had fun. His real birthday was on the next day, but we celebrated a day earlier since the restaurant was closed that night. The next day after we finished work we went to Tony & Janice house to celebrate his real birthday. Just us few people was enough, sang him Birthday song & ate cake that's it, simple night. Seeing him grow so healthy & happy is a blessing! Continue to grow big, healthy & happy Baby Jacob! I love you 💓

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless.