Saturday, November 29

A little break

Sorry guys I've been awhile for way too long. Its been really a hectic month for me. Not to mention Christmas is coming as well. As usual I just got back from my holiday in Busan Korea. I could just practically live there anyway. lol Its so much fun in Korea. Cause the food is so good and no one knows who I am. haha 

After I've got back from Korea its even stressful for me. Because we've been preparing for UMS graduation shooting for 1 month. Once I'm back I went for a photo shooting spree for 3 freaking days. Not to mention we had the worst experience ever occurred (will talk that into another post) I even got allergic reaction for being under the sun (heat) for too long with sweats.

Oh and I finally found a guy that messed my emotion up. I couldn't forget him yet couldn't get a grasp of him. As if we don't have fate. I tried to meet him in a various way but things didn't turn out that way. There's always things that prevent us to meet each other. I wonder why!? 

December in 1 more day. I couldn't catch up everything. Its moving way too fast right now. So little time yet so much work to do. My day is not enough. I need longer time, longer time to think thoroughly. Caroling is around the corner. Christmas is approaching. Catching up with my photography. Work is okay as for now but the amount of work doesn't seems to decrease at all. My church friend is getting married. I'm going to attend my colleagues wedding tomorrow. 

I felt like I'm a little stuck in the past. I always wanted to stay like we used to. Because that's how I'm comfortable with. But I'm not moving forward. Now that things are moving forward so quickly it scares me a lot. Because I can't move forward being an adult it scares me so much. I long to have a relationship but I'm afraid, because I don't want to move on where I have to get married and settle down. I want to move forward alone yet wants a person to accompany me the rest of my life. I'm a selfish human. That's why I need a little break from reality cause its scary. I still have the means of running away from reality anytime anywhere.

Till then,
God Bless.

Sunday, November 9

Reflection of Lullabies

We took the first glance together as I entered the room. He looked in a surprise way. I noticed and avoided more of eye contact. We played games in a group. I chose monkey. He knew I chose monkey but he kept on calling monkey. Pretentiously as if I'd never knew I noticed his intention. We started with nothing more of that. Until the session ended everyone started talking and chit chatting. 

We walked together in a group outside, he was trying to catch up with me, so in the end he was walking beside me. They even stop for awhile to discuss about the next session of chatting. I was standing alone with my friend. He's trying to approach me even though he was talking with his friends. So I ended up joining them for the second session of chatting. 

We saw each other outside the cafe. He's definitely looking even more surprised cause he never thought I would be joining them. Of course I tried to avoid eye contact as much as possible. He then handed his hand out and show his interest with a small introduction of ourselves when I've approached to the table. He sat in front of me. I was quite surprised that he took initiative to introduced him to me. I knew his name but he pretentiously saying the wrong name even my friend find it weird. Obviously he's trying to play cool. 

He tried to talked to me. Asking various question. He was wondering if I'd ever went to the youth previously. I'd said yes but I've never join the second session of chatting. I knew he looked in my way lots of time. I noticed. While they were having conversation he continuously involving me into it. Finding excuses to talk to me and trying to clear some misunderstanding. 

The chatting session ended up pretty late because we're chatting & listening to so much stories. While I was waiting for them to finished up their last chatting he approached me. Asked me who I'd be following back. Once I've told him we silence for awhile. So I turned and approached my friend instead to avoid being awkward.

Then everyone of us went to car park. I was surprised that he follow us when he should be car pooling with his friends. Instead he follow my friend and I. I was really surprised. He purposely asked my friend if there's anyone follow her car when he obviously knew that I'm car pooling as well. So apparently we went back together. I knew he kept talking and calling my name over and over trying to make me talk while were in the car. I just don't felt like talking at all. Cause I'm too nervous and I can't think straight. We parted with a goodbye. 

With just one night. He messed up my thoughts and mind so much. I may not describe it perfectly here but his intention is visible and noticeable. I just let my mind run wild because it will eventually be forgotten. I talked about this with my close friends. They were happy for me but I find it obnoxious. I'm denying and refuse the fact that he's interested in me.

Cause its probably one sided and I'm afraid of changes, afraid of love and being loved. I'm not ready to be involved in such relationship cause I will fall apart even earlier and faster. I'll just deny everything until everything is clear. I probably couldn't even concentrate with anything right now. With work and my passion all the stuff is happening right now is so much to handle. I'll broke down anytime soon. I want to run away again.

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless.