Friday, September 22

Friendship is more important.

From ego that I put onto relationship has made me realized that everything wasn't the outcome that I wanted all along. It is true that my jealousy has surpassed my common sense. But one thing that I put aside was the friendship we currently hold. I totally forgot the position that I'm in the people I'm surrounded. 

I love all my friends, its the friendship that I couldn't throw away but because of the selfishness of myself and to the person I like, I wasn't in a rational thinking. I didn't think of the consequences of being in a relationship. It's not like I'm 100% sure that I would be in a relationship but the negative outcome, if I speak out the feelings that I have towards the person I like. It will ruins all the things I have. 

I decided to give up on pursuing the relationship that I always wanted and hold on to everything, nothing but friendship, even though there's still jealousy within me. The emotional that I was holding were real torture. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat properly, I couldn't think properly, I lose all the track that I'm suppose to undergo. I was in a confusion and trouble state. Emotional has climbed over my self consciousness. When I calmed myself down I was able to react back to what I normally do.

I was very unhappy with everything and the little things I find odd with my friends. I would think that he avoided me or something else. On the other hand, they were really worried about me, making sure I was alright and tried to make me happy again. How on earth can I destroy our friendship?? It was so precious to me, that I couldn't ask for more. All the blessing and love from them was more than ever. At the same time I did analysed and think about whether I like him or not because he treat me so well that I over think this as interest. I still couldn't figure out whether I was really in love or just because they treat me so good that makes me fall in love.

And I still couldn't get over the jealousy but I will one day because they are all my precious people that I know and love so much. I couldn't possibly ruin it all. I will move on and be where we used to belong.

Till then,
Cheers and God Bless.

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