Monday, September 4

Ego that I put onto a relationship.

My ego and selfishness surpass my truthfulness and innocence love. The jealousy that I hold for these pass few weeks was a torture. I wasn't playing with a fishing net intentionally, it was because the withdrawal of acceptance that I couldn't accept. I couldn't react to the way I wanted and needed, I have never dated so I wouldn't know the feeling was strong enough to be in heart broken, more or less we are seeing each other every weekend without fail.

When I knew that I fall for someone I will take a step back slowly enough to disappear in his life. If tear drops could be bottle through the vast of ocean, I would sink into the crowd and not letting you find me. I would run away until you notice the emptiness without me. But his existence has made me feel loved and calm. His existence has made me move forward to him unconsciously, looking for the sunlight and comfort that I always wanted. 

Every move he made, made me think of nothing without a doubt. When I talked about it with my friends, they always said he has the hint and intention. But I couldn't sense it unless he directed me with honesty and straightforwardly. I am bad with guessing, I might as well think of it as zero intention, just like how he treat others. The feelings that I uphold was confusing.

Ever since I have returned from my long holiday everything seems to be changed. It was so different compared back when we just hang out as friends. And when he was gone for his holiday things was also different. That's where I know someone is in love with him. That's how the ego side of me got overpowered me at some point. 

All the words he said embody in my mind. It has made my words more taken aback carefully without giving much openings. Maybe it is time for me let it flows right. There's a saying that ''If we are meant for each other we will eventually be together regardless of anything.'' I will try my best to accept what he has to offer and enjoy every moment even the slightest thing we both have. Enjoy every single thing with all I can. Life is short, do whatever that makes me happy is the only thing.

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless.

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