This sucks ya know. I don't know what am I suppose to do. I've been loving this guy for so long. Every time we met he gave me false hope. Every fucking time. I try to push back my feelings whenever we met but it was such a hard feeling to control. He never cease to amazed me with his thoughtful and cheekiness.
A girl's 6 sense is the worst ever when these kind of things happened. It takes a lot of courage and thoughts about how I should act, talk and get close to each other. I've been pushing him way too much and I distant myself away from him all the time. Yet I want to get closer and intimate with him.
I am scared to reveal my feelings to him because I know I will distant away even further from him. No matter if he likes me or not. That's how I deal with my emotion and feelings, because I don't know how to handle all this shit. It is just too much for me.
To think that I would run away from these feelings then I guess I'm 100% wrong. Although I'm as far away from KK my feelings won't degrade nor change. It hurts like shit especially when I say 'I don't care' or 'He has nothing to do with me'
I always wonder what happen or is there any difference when I tell him I love him? Now that I'm so far away from home I guess it doesn't affect me. Cause I don't have to face him like I used to. One thing that I will never master is confidence and saying what I want. I always go with the flow and let others decide what I'm suppose to do. It is definitely my time to come up and do something for myself. Ask what I want to know and get what I want.
No more roundabout.
Till then,
Cheers and God Bless.
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