Saturday, March 5


Having a cup of milk in this hour & poofff blogging mood came. 
I was a bit nonchalant to start with. Don't even know where to start. 
My head never leads to this question "Do you ever think about running away?"
Before this question pop up I've already knew what my answer all along.

This is my answer right from the start.

I am running away right now. Doing some preparation before my escape success. Started contacting with my agent right now. Trying for an escape on May 2016. While I was struggling off with my depression I am not able to do anything right now. I am trying my best to drive again but once I start driving I shivered & start breaking cold sweats. I still felt traumatized to drive & being alone. Trying my best to shake it off. That's why I'm running away so I could forget everything.  

Its not that I don't want to work or anything I just couldn't move on without any pushes & support. Being Asian and most of all comes from Chinese backgrounds kinda pissed me off sometimes. Words sometimes comes out from my moms mouth is just unbearable. I've been sucking all those harsh word since I was born. Sometimes it back fires me a little bit. 

To tell you the truth I was only running away from reality but now I want to stay away from this house. It doesn't makes me any good. I know my parents is doing this for my sake but I just can't bear it anymore. I was so comfortable at the same time it doesn't make me any good. If I don't run away now I will be stuck in my parents shelter until I die. 

I want to get out of this shelter & build my own shelter. I don't want to create a shelter that is already broken & traumatized with. I want to start over & being independent all by myself. Because if I'm attached too much with my parents I'm not going to move on. The minute I am talking happily but I might not know what comes tomorrow. I might not be able to let go when they are gone. I'm practicing being independent so in the future I'm not going to suffer anymore. 

Still trying to get out from this misery.
Till then

God Bless

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