Friendship is more important.

From ego that I put onto relationship has made me realized that everything wasn't the outcome that I wanted all along. It is true that my jealousy has surpassed my common sense. But one thing that I put aside was the friendship we currently hold. I totally forgot the position that I'm in the people I'm surrounded. 

I love all my friends, its the friendship that I couldn't throw away but because of the selfishness of myself and to the person I like, I wasn't in a rational thinking. I didn't think of the consequences of being in a relationship. It's not like I'm 100% sure that I would be in a relationship but the negative outcome, if I speak out the feelings that I have towards the person I like. It will ruins all the things I have. 

I decided to give up on pursuing the relationship that I always wanted and hold on to everything, nothing but friendship, even though there's still jealousy within me. The emotional that I was holding were real torture. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat properly, I couldn't think properly, I lose all the track that I'm suppose to undergo. I was in a confusion and trouble state. Emotional has climbed over my self consciousness. When I calmed myself down I was able to react back to what I normally do.

I was very unhappy with everything and the little things I find odd with my friends. I would think that he avoided me or something else. On the other hand, they were really worried about me, making sure I was alright and tried to make me happy again. How on earth can I destroy our friendship?? It was so precious to me, that I couldn't ask for more. All the blessing and love from them was more than ever. At the same time I did analysed and think about whether I like him or not because he treat me so well that I over think this as interest. I still couldn't figure out whether I was really in love or just because they treat me so good that makes me fall in love.

And I still couldn't get over the jealousy but I will one day because they are all my precious people that I know and love so much. I couldn't possibly ruin it all. I will move on and be where we used to belong.

Till then,

Cheers and God Bless.

050617 Utilizing the props

The day after Nadeem's Birthday Surprise we basically utilizing all the props that was prepare.

We hangout casually, sort and clean out some of the stuff from the surprise.

So we might as well use the helium balloon for some photo taking session.

Put all the decoration into a good used was the best way.

Otherwise it will go straight into the bin and flatted out.

We've been doing tons of party and casual hangout lunch time lately.

That's how I've been doing lately. Otherwise it will be a boring day.

Till then,

Cheers and God Bless

030617 Nadeem's Birthday Surprise

The week before Nadeem's Birthday Nurool already told us to help her to surprise Nadeem.

Nicole made delicious cheesecake again for Nadeem!

The surprise ended pretty good. He thought that we were having another gathering dinner but turns out it was a surprise! Because his real birthday was the next day but surprised him earlier.

After the surprise we started our scrumptious dinner together. Having our best meal with a glass of white wine! Definitely a great night. Then we start our photo taking session with the decoration we made for the purpose of instagram 😂😂😂

Knowing that Nurool has a insta camera I immediately bought few polaroid film and use this opportunity to utilize the props for the picture!

Loving the simple but detailed decoration Nurool prepared! 100% effort! We all had a great night and another awesome night to be remembered! 

Till then,

Cheers and God Bless.

Ego that I put onto a relationship.

My ego and selfishness surpass my truthfulness and innocence love. The jealousy that I hold for these pass few weeks was a torture. I wasn't playing with a fishing net intentionally, it was because the withdrawal of acceptance that I couldn't accept. I couldn't react to the way I wanted and needed, I have never dated so I wouldn't know the feeling was strong enough to be in heart broken, more or less we are seeing each other every weekend without fail.

When I knew that I fall for someone I will take a step back slowly enough to disappear in his life. If tear drops could be bottle through the vast of ocean, I would sink into the crowd and not letting you find me. I would run away until you notice the emptiness without me. But his existence has made me feel loved and calm. His existence has made me move forward to him unconsciously, looking for the sunlight and comfort that I always wanted. 

Every move he made, made me think of nothing without a doubt. When I talked about it with my friends, they always said he has the hint and intention. But I couldn't sense it unless he directed me with honesty and straightforwardly. I am bad with guessing, I might as well think of it as zero intention, just like how he treat others. The feelings that I uphold was confusing.

Ever since I have returned from my long holiday everything seems to be changed. It was so different compared back when we just hang out as friends. And when he was gone for his holiday things was also different. That's where I know someone is in love with him. That's how the ego side of me got overpowered me at some point. 

All the words he said embody in my mind. It has made my words more taken aback carefully without giving much openings. Maybe it is time for me let it flows right. There's a saying that ''If we are meant for each other we will eventually be together regardless of anything.'' I will try my best to accept what he has to offer and enjoy every moment even the slightest thing we both have. Enjoy every single thing with all I can. Life is short, do whatever that makes me happy is the only thing.

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless.