Monday, December 11

050917 Casual Relax Day

It was a relax day that day. He always had a small amount of time for me. It doesn't matter how short it is. I was working that night but still have some time before I'm going for work. We spend our time relaxing and enjoying the cold breeze and amazing sun. This was where we had a small conversation. It's where insecurities hits me. I was in jealous mode. I told him I wanted to go with him, but sadly he refused and I know the reason was because it's for his sister wedding. He wouldn't have the time to bring me around for sight seeing.

To be honest these part made me disappointed but also glad. I was having emotional roller coaster and blogged Ego that I put into relationship , then blogged Friendship is more important few weeks later. Realizing that he had a person that loves him more than I do, ready to sacrifice her career just to be next to him. I was in awe and amazed by her effort. 

To think that a girl would do such length to be with him was amazing. That was the time I took my time to let go of everything. I don't want to ruin my relationship I have with him. I don't want to change what we have now. I decided not to tell him how I felt, because at the same time he has the conflict between her. He ignored her but she was firm to get his attention once again. 

Because she was insecure with long distance especially photo of me was posted regularly on his social media. It made her really insecure and that's why she pursue him even regularly that made him uncomfortable. At the same time, I wrote a post on wechat and his friend showed it to him. Luckily my friend said it wasn't for him otherwise it will be in trouble. I could be in uncomfortable state with him. 

It made me opened my eyes and thought. I decided to give up in order for us to be comfortable again. I don't want to ruin our relationship just because of confession and all these bullshit emotional roller coaster. It took me a hard time but eventually my feelings calm down and able to react to what I can do like usual. 

All these time I am able to do what I am able to do. I just need some time to calm myself down and think properly. He made me so comfortable and safe by his side even when we just sit beside staring at the beach. These feeling was indescribable. I am so lucky and blessed to met you and everyone else who loves me for who I am. These period of stay changed me a lot, opened me up and explore more different place together. Counting to many more years with bunch of them 💓

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless

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