Loving a person that never loves you back.

This sucks ya know. I don't know what am I suppose to do. I've been loving this guy for so long. Every time we met he gave me false hope. Every fucking time. I try to push back my feelings whenever we met but it was such a hard feeling to control. He never cease to amazed me with his thoughtful and cheekiness. 

A girl's 6 sense is the worst ever when these kind of things happened. It takes a lot of courage and thoughts about how I should act, talk and get close to each other. I've been pushing him way too much and I distant myself away from him all the time. Yet I want to get closer and intimate with him. 

I am scared to reveal my feelings to him because I know I will distant away even further from him. No matter if he likes me or not. That's how I deal with my emotion and feelings, because I don't know how to handle all this shit. It is just too much for me.

To think that I would run away from these feelings then I guess I'm 100% wrong. Although I'm as far away from KK my feelings won't degrade nor change. It hurts like shit especially when I say 'I don't care' or 'He has nothing to do with me'

I always wonder what happen or is there any difference when I tell him I love him?  Now that I'm so far away from home I guess it doesn't affect me. Cause I don't have to face him like I used to. One thing that I will never master is confidence and saying what I want. I always go with the flow and let others decide what I'm suppose to do. It is definitely my time to come up and do something for myself. Ask what I want to know and get what I want.

No more roundabout.

Till then,

Cheers and God Bless.

24TH BIRTHDAY

Yup its my birthday today. Its a typical normal day for me. Not that much of a hype day for me. But a fruitful day where I've did my practical at a childcare center today as usual. My birthday happened to fall on my practical day. So I'm dealing with kids. As for today I'm at the nursery section. There is one 7 month old baby were in the care. He was salivating all over me. It was real saliva. HAHA but the baby is not cranky at all, super active and always entertain himself with toys unless he need milk. I love baby boy more than baby girl. They are much more cuter! So adorable! Let me absorbed all angmoh baby energy! HAHAHA I need to take care my skin seriously! I'm so used to go for facial treatment once a month now I felt so much dread with my dry skin! I need a smooth like baby skin T.T 

 

Anyway yesterday I went to pick up my birthday cake. Its a dates cake with caramel top and pecan. Oh well I had it this evening as a tea time! It was delicious and super sweet HAHA so much sugar on my birthday. 

I wasn't even expect anything but I received red packet from my yee yee even though I've been staying here for free. So blessed! Also received few birthday wishes and call from my friends. So touched T.T This year I decided to change my Facebook birthday date into private and my FB friends won't be receiving notification on it. And so my page becomes so empty and I realized only your real and closes friends remember my birthday. But not all closes friend remember tho. I just brush it off and did not mention at all because there is no point letting them know when they don't take initiative to remember. 

Oh well birthday date need to be put as reminder because people doesn't really remember, especially when they have their own life. It's hard to focus on other people when we have our own shit on hand to deal with. Life still goes on and it will get even better. Cheers to another year! Need to get in shape. I've gained weight -.- HAHAHA shittt.

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless