Tuesday, October 9

I am not strong enough

I always thought that I could pretend or act like I know how to handle my emotional and everything. Unfortunately I don't especially when I'm seeing someone dear to me. I became weak and I show my weakness to him, it made him unable to rely on me being independent when he's not around some more we are in a LDR. It was hard, because I always thought he wasn't accommodating my needs. All my needs to him are unnecessary and excuses for me going back to my comfort zone.

Family and friends was always my comfort zone, but he is not. He made me vulnerable because he always pushes me out of my comfort zone, it took me quite awhile to get out, still one step at a time. But I do notice that a little bit habits of mine took another changes. I eat lesser candies while I'm driving. Candies is my biggest changes, I don't rely on to it that much. I rarely stay over at my friend's house whenever I don't want to drive back home. What's next???? Staying alone while my aunt is going away soon for two months (in process soon). Deciding whether I want to go back Sabah or not at the end of October (flying back alone is scary shit).

To be honest, he prioritize his job & studies over me. That's fair enough since that's what we've agreed on. If he could have said ''I still want to spend a little time even a few days with you, tho we're not going anywhere just at home like we used to do''. It would have made me feel better just to go there a few days instead of a whole week plus. Thinking he was having a break from his diet would be the best time to see him, oh well I just need to suck thumb till his training and up coming exam finishes.

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless