I am not strong enough

I always thought that I could pretend or act like I know how to handle my emotional and everything. Unfortunately I don't especially when I'm seeing someone dear to me. I became weak and I show my weakness to him, it made him unable to rely on me being independent when he's not around some more we are in a LDR. It was hard, because I always thought he wasn't accommodating my needs. All my needs to him are unnecessary and excuses for me going back to my comfort zone.

Family and friends was always my comfort zone, but he is not. He made me vulnerable because he always pushes me out of my comfort zone, it took me quite awhile to get out, still one step at a time. But I do notice that a little bit habits of mine took another changes. I eat lesser candies while I'm driving. Candies is my biggest changes, I don't rely on to it that much. I rarely stay over at my friend's house whenever I don't want to drive back home. What's next???? Staying alone while my aunt is going away soon for two months (in process soon). Deciding whether I want to go back Sabah or not at the end of October (flying back alone is scary shit).

To be honest, he prioritize his job & studies over me. That's fair enough since that's what we've agreed on. If he could have said ''I still want to spend a little time even a few days with you, tho we're not going anywhere just at home like we used to do''. It would have made me feel better just to go there a few days instead of a whole week plus. Thinking he was having a break from his diet would be the best time to see him, oh well I just need to suck thumb till his training and up coming exam finishes.

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless

He ended our relationship

Still remember I talked about THE TINDER GUY ??? We broke up, more like he dumped me for no reason. At first we started so casually I knew we would definitely end our relationship, it's just that I didn't think it was that quick. We only dated for two weeks. When he dumped me I didn't cry at all just sadden that we didn't even go for long enough. 

To be honest it was the best thing he dumped me. I got over him very fast, because I only poured 30% of my effort and he backed off that quick. He can't even able to handle my clingy and emotional problem but already got scared. I knew he wasn't the one when he was a divorced man with two kids. Having two kids is not the problem but his mentality & ways of handling. He has no intention of having a serious relationship, but since I showed him that I wanted to have it serious he just let it go. 

Its a good thing. He was only a strangers to me now. He blocked me off directly from all social media and my number as well. Its a good thing to be honest. I get over him so much quicker and move on. I'm able and freely to chat with other people and become friends, I don't have to think about anything serious now. Go with the flow and let it be. 

I'm having my best time of myself. Family coming to Aussie for holiday, work as much as possible and quickly finish my study at the end of June. Focusing on what I'm suppose to do then I can do what ever I want. Go travel, have fun and met more new friends. Also always be thankful with everything I have.

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless.

The Tinder Guy

Sorry for the long hiatus for whole April till now. It was one of those days where my life is full of adventure. Not really but kinda exciting as well. I've been chatting with one of few guys in tinder but one kept the conversation pretty good. Then we stopped chatting for weeks when I left for my holiday in Sydney & Melbourne. Few days before returning to Perth I texted him again. Our conversation leads to us meeting in real life. It was unreal to be honest. I was pretty excited to meet him in real life. 

Fast forward to meeting days. We had a long walk at the beach. There was a concert during the day we met up. We had a short talk, because I'm being shy & awkward as usual. He was good enough to accompanied me till I went to the concert since he doesn't want to join. He gave me the cutest hug and kisses on my forehead. 

The next few days, I wasn't feeling good due to weather changed. I messaged him about my where about & home address. He came to my place we started hugging & kissing so passionately. Also I noticed there's a condom in his pocket. Luckily my family was in the house. Our progress went on quite quick to be honest. That was the night we ended up being in a relationship naturally. 

Occasionally I texted him to see how he was going & made few plans with him. It was all good. Not till this week. I started staying over at his place few times. But I felt so empty. I went on and on asking advise relationship from my experienced friends. This relationship was a gamble. I felt that both of us lust for companion & relationship. It was nothing out of ordinary, just pure lusting over each other. 

I was expecting to be honest. In the end I knew that we couldn't last long. I am going with the flow onward, nothing to be expected.  This is the gamble I signed up for. Lets see how the game turns out.

Till then,

God Bless us.

041217 Animal Gangster

This was the most funniest and memorable day for us. Sam was driving by himself while I waited Nicole to pick me up & to pick up Nurool as well. We went to have a coffee at our favorite place with bunch of them. While were having our chill day and coffee we decided to do an animal costume photoshoot. We planned this long time ago but was never done till this late. In between a lot of things happened so Hyman ended up not joining because he merajuk with Sam at some point.

Anyway we ditched Hyman in the end because he was being indecisive and still merajuk at some point of level that he couldn't accept it. Nicole purposely drove from town to my house just to take my animal costume. That was one long drive, but we didn't rush and able to go for the photoshoot session at a good weather & scenery.

We went near to the beach where the sand dune was build up as high as a mountain naturally. A lot of cars drove pass & saw us up there wearing a funny outfit to take photo. It was kinda cold and windy but we were warm enough as well, with the thick costume.

We post crazily and laugh our ass out!

Afterwards we all had a decent photo without the costume, we were practically sweating somehow from all the exercise we did for the photoshoot. Nonetheless we had tons of fun that day, too bad to the one who missed out. Anyway we head back and prepare steamboat dinner. All of us are hungry couldn't wait to eat. We chat, laugh and talked tons. 

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless.

021217 Summer 40*c

I was practically laying on my bed, the weather was pretty hot that day which caused me becoming drowsy and need more sleep. But they woke me up a.s.a.p cause we were planning to go for a swim with baby Jacob in the pool. But they were late almost noon which was even hotter than expected. It felt like in the oven. So we waited them at Jaffle Shack. 

Just woke up faces! hahaha In the end we didn't went to the pool. So we decided to go to the beach for a swim and brought the kayak! As so we asked Ian to join us since he like beach more than pool. We packed all our stuff and even brought volley ball & gopro. 

We were really bad with volleyball like literally just picking up balls.

My first kayak session! It was wobbly and scary! The others went deeper to the sea but I was just enough in the middle where they can swim to reach me. I was a bit terrified to be honest cause it was really scary for me. I went for few more minutes of kayak before went for a swim. The water was cold enough to keep us cool, while the weather was amazingly hot. 

We enjoyed our beach side approximately 3 hours. It was really nice and hot weather for a swim! A lot of people went for a swim as well since the weather was pretty hot. Afterwards we went back and have a short rest before we went to work.  

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless